First I’d like to discuss the structure of the physical-psychological makeup of most men from which their success or lack thereof with women can often be traced. This is really pretty common-sensical but I like to articulate the obvious in order to make sure that concepts later on have a clear basis for understanding:

• Category 1...  Attractive -- Insensitive to Rejection The Best! This guy gets too much action... we hate him

• Category 2...  Attractive -- Sensitive to Rejection Still gets laid because women drag him out of his shell

• Category 3...  Unattractive -- Insensitive to Rejection Can push through rejection to find his 5%er

• Category 4...  Unattractive -- Sensitive to Rejection Worst situation possible! Hermits Club Charter Member

The first three categorizes I’ve described here probably don’t include you, otherwise you wouldn’t be bothering to read this article.  So let’s go through them quickly...

Category 1 is the best situation to be in -- a guy who’s physically attractive to women and insensitive to what little rejection he might pick up along the way.  What can you say about a guy like this, except that he’s got it too easy?  His experience with women is pretty much incomprehensible to the rest of us mortals.  

Category 2 describes a guy who’s good looking and attractive to women, but has been handicapped by a shy nature for whatever reason and is highly sensitive to being rejected by them.  He still makes out okay though because he can play the game of seduction passively.  So long as he doesn’t act too withdrawn or weird, women will push themselves at him because of his physical attractiveness... the women he knows as friends will set him up with their girlfriends, etc.  This guy probably doesn’t need any help, but could actually move up closer to the first category by studying the methods in Without Embarrassment and putting them to good use.

Category 3 is getting closer to home.  Here’s a guy who doesn’t have the great looks to attract women, but he shucks off rejection like a duck sheds water. So he can at least get laid now and then, if only because he knows how to bull his way through loads of rejection until he finally scores.  She probably won’t be the prom queen, but that’s alright.  A Cat 3 guy can definitely make his life easier and start getting more decent looking women by following the advice in Without Embarrassment.  At the very least, he won’t have to make himself suffer through so much rejection between scores. In fact, combined with his natural insensitivity to rejection, he may find himself with too many women on his hands!  Why?  Because his boldness happens to be a very powerful dominant male signal that goes light-years in canceling out the fact that he won’t be mistaken for Brad Pitt anytime soon.

Which brings me to the Category 4 man... unattractive to women and highly sensitive to rejection. Yeesh! This is by far the worst way to find yourself after you’ve already gone through the agony of a nerdy adolescence, only to arrive at what you’d hoped would be a more enlightened adulthood. Not so, because you carry the roots of your problems buried deep within your unconscious mind. I know because your humble author here was a Cat 4 schlep all his life until he finally figured it all out.

This situation is the absolute pits because -- besides the fact that you have no natural physical attractiveness to give you any sort of edge with women --your crippling fear of rejection makes it impossible for you to interact in a positive manner anyway. Your too-keen perception of how others may be regarding you only serves to drive you deeper into a cycle of withdrawal that tightens your social noose ever more securely. You are on a glideslope to becoming isolated, alone and increasingly seen as strange. Deadly!